Sometimes, when I walk my son to school, I’m a million miles away…Holding his hand, answering questions as they arise, often coaxing him on so we won’t be late.

But, when not in active conversation, I’m somewhere else. Lost in memories, good or bad, from the past.

Nothing to do with him. Life events from another lifetime. Featuring people who I don’t know anymore, never really knew, and he certainly won’t ever know. Distant people in faraway places.

I’ll be lost in should have said, shouldn’t have said.

Aware of how if you’re not taught to create your life and have a say, you will quickly be enmeshed in a life full of people you have nothing in common with, on a path you would never have picked.

It doesn’t have to be dark or full of suffering, but just full of obligations and commitments to things, people, and places you never dreamed about.

Slow down and stay present.

The bad times were already survived. Lived through once and then picked apart for too long.

The loneliness, the manipulated narratives, the suffocation, the voicelessness, the excruciating isolation. It’s all gone now. It’s been gone for a long time, many years, almost a decade?

This is the good part.

The love phase, the endless moments of joy. The family snapshots on the beach, the little guy holding up the leaning tower of Pisa.

The sense of purpose, the things to look forward to, the relief of outrunning our pasts to give him a better life. To give him peace we didn’t have.

Slow down and stay present.

I climbed mountains, dug myself out of ditches and holes, and found parts of myself that were stronger than I ever could have known. But this is the good part. And it doesn’t last forever.

It will probably get better and better. It might soar from triumph and achievement, from solo to symphony, from two hands clapping to the roar of the crowds.

But one day, it will end. It has to. I don’t need to think about that now, but I’ll have to one day.

Slow down and stay present.

My little one has just started his journey. Whatever happened on mine was for me and me only. His is a new day.

So today, I asked my son what were your favorite memories of Paris.

We spent the next few minutes lost in memories of our recent trip. We ate those delicious Parisian cakes at that charming little cafe.

We rode the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and then jumped on the buzz Lightyear ride. We walked down the rainy paths and had one more bite of delicious Mickey Mouse ear chocolate and orange birthday cake. 

One more until the next time we slow down and stay present… together.