Of course, we are different in various situations. Who we are at work is different than who we are with our friends or behind closed doors arguing over something petty with our loved ones.

But as I transitioned through major life events like moving to a new country (and continent), marriage, pregnancy, motherhood, and being a citizen of a global pandemic, I wondered how much I’d changed.

Some life events or people change us profoundly, while others barely leave a mark. Some changes are for the better, and some are actually worse.

And surprisingly, some changes seem to be for the worse but are better in the long run.

When I moved to Barcelona, I had had my fair share of social politics, whether at work or in my private life, but I still had some kind of bizarre social optimism.

No matter how many times I felt betrayed, used, lied about, or abused, I still seemed to think that life would get better and that a more compatible group of people were out there, just waiting for me.

And I have met many wonderful people over the years, but I’ve also met some not-so-positive matches.

What I finally learned after a few years in Barcelona has forever changed me and put me on a more healthy, meaningful path.

Enthusiasm and generosity are often viewed as weaknesses.

It’s sad because enthusiastic, generous people are the best, but unfortunately, they are often the first to be taken advantage of or misunderstood.

Don’t be too helpful, it won’t be reciprocated.

I’ve watched others and also offered endless recommendations and the fruits of my research to people who couldn’t even tell me where the park entrance was located or the name of the local children’s swimming school- but then wanted me to write recommendations for their business — no.

Save your energy for you and your family.

I have held back from helping, speaking, offering, doing so many things and instead redirected that energy into my needs and my family.

Don’t feel the need to explain or justify your actions.

I don’t explain myself. In the end, as long as I don’t gossip or make trouble for anyone, then my reasons for doing something or not are my own.

As much as these life lessons above have made my current mental health better, I don’t think I could live like this forever.

I miss jolly people and bonfires or backyard veggie burger bbq’s.

One day I want to swap travel stories over coffee and cakes in a quaint cafe. I dream about joining a Ukulele orchestra and meeting weekly or biweekly. But, for now, the Joanne of Barcelona moves through life in a quieter, more invisible way…so don’t ask me for directions… just kidding, I’ll help you!

How has living in a foreign country changed you? Do you think you would change again if you moved to another city or country?